I want to share the following story told to me by a friend. We sometimes forget that we're not going to be young forever and that we too will have our time on Earth as "The Elder." We also forget that what goes around comes around...So please don't do anyone any favors by treating people with respect because you have to--treat them with respect because it is the right thing to do. Be nice, it isn't going to kill you to be nice--get over yourself and do it, you truly can make someone's day. Anyway, my friend "Jack" told me this story and I thought I'd share it with you--it's actually his mother's last letter to him. Jack - I'm appreciative of the fact that you're sharing your life with us. God Bless You and Yours.
August 12, 2010
Perhaps, I'm PMS'g or the other real thing for which I am in denial of--I'm getting older and more sensitive. I spoke to you today and it was the way your tone sounded when I asked you for the upteenth time exactly what dates would you be on leave. "Mom, I told you many times that I. Don't. Know. Being in the military, there are no set dates and I won't know until that month of leave," You said to me with complete irritation. After that I felt stupid, so small--I know you had already mentioned it to me at least a hundred times. Then I thought of how I treated you growing up and how I had been so impatient. So I thought to myself--well, that's karma for you. I know I wasn't the perfect parent so I deserved that much. No worries because you are still perfect to me in every way possible. Still, something was nagging at me--so, I decided to let you know and I told you that "you don't have to yell at me." Of course, the irritation in your voice was dropped down a couple of notches and you said "I'm not yelling." But I can still feel your utter annoyance exuding through the phone. I was at work while I spoke to you. I tried to sound upbeat and kept you on the phone for a little longer so you wouldn't know how sad I was. Then we finally hung up.
I decided not to pursue it or argue with you because I thought to myself, life is too short for any arguments with Loved Ones so I let it go. It hurt but I let it go. If anything, I was so mad at myself for asking such a stupid question--I didn't mean to upset you. I also thought to myself, I've been forgetting a lot of things lately. I need to go to the doctor's to have him run some tests, that is, if they had such "memory tests." They did so I booked the appointment for first thing in the morning the following week.
The doctor ran those memory tests and an X-ray; the doctor continued to run more "scans" of my head. Well, long story short and two weeks later, I found out that I had a brain tumor. The tumor was 5 millimeters in length and considered Stage 4 cancer. I'm terrified, yet, I still don't know that I want to tell you or anyone at work--I want to live my life and have the people in my life because they love me not because they feel sorry for me because of the fuckin' cancer. I'm sorry I'm just so upset right now. All I know is I hope you forgive me if I decide not to tell you for the reasons above. I want to be treated "normal" even though I'm sick.
Again, I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me for keeping this awful truth from you. I love and miss you so much; and I hope to see you soon.
Jack's mom died two months after the date of this letter and it's been 3 years to the date of this letter. He said he wouldn't have known she was sick because she remained upbeat and "normal." Yes, he was mad at her and still gets mad sometimes. He knows why she kept her cancer from him and he says he doesn't know if he'll ever understand her reasoning. He keeps beating himself up for treating her the way he did and that he didn't mean it. I tell him to talk to her that Our Loved Ones are "around" so they can hear us.
May Jack find peace and may his mother continue to rest in peace.
Till next time, I bid you all Love, Light & Compassion.