About a month ago, I shared a post (click here for the full article) entitled "A Brief History Of Filipinos’ Obsession With White Skin." This article hit home. Growing up I was surrounded by other Pilipinos who were "fortunate" to be light-complected; and how their parents would praise about their light complexion and look at their children as if they were looking at the sun, with such awe and admiration. My parents raised me differently - they were education-focused. Mom always told me "ang mahalaga sa iyo at sa tao ay ang utak mo, mag aral ka ng mag aral" translated to "the most valuable asset you have and to others is your mind, so keep learning." My mom and dad encouraged my education and she even encouraged my interactions with other children in my neighborhood. I was always different and I always wanted to "fit-in". LOL - fitting in now is a joke. I would have never fit in because I was and always will be different. For a very long time, I never wanted to be different; for a very long time, I just wanted to be accepted for who I was regardless of my skin color.
When I grew up in Salinas, Pilipinos were the minorities amongst the growing number of Mexican people. Salinas was, at that time, predominantly white with a fast-growing Mexican population. There were very few of us at that time. When Pilipino kids did get together, we hardly talked about home, we only talked about what other "normal" kids talked about which was playing, the latest toys, the new bikes and candy. As a matter of fact, Pilipinos were taught to keep "our dirty laundry" at home where it belongs.
Now, I realize, the more I fought and hid who I was, who I am - the more rebellious I became and the more outrageous my acts were (I abused drugs, sex, etc.) I grew to hate myself because I wasn't "light enough, tall enough or smart enough." I had high expectations of myself, yet I had low self-esteem. Over time, I realized that self-love is needed in order to value oneself. Self-love that isn't taught at home but taught and learned later on in life when escapism no longer provided the band-aid to cover the wounds of self-hate. It's been quite a journey - working on this relationship on myself and falling in love with myself. I've long accepted myself, fallen in and out of love with myself, laughed at me and continue to do so. But it's all worth it. So, when you have a chance - please read the article, it too is worthwhile.
Happy New Year and I bid you all love, light and compassion.
~Maria
When I grew up in Salinas, Pilipinos were the minorities amongst the growing number of Mexican people. Salinas was, at that time, predominantly white with a fast-growing Mexican population. There were very few of us at that time. When Pilipino kids did get together, we hardly talked about home, we only talked about what other "normal" kids talked about which was playing, the latest toys, the new bikes and candy. As a matter of fact, Pilipinos were taught to keep "our dirty laundry" at home where it belongs.
Now, I realize, the more I fought and hid who I was, who I am - the more rebellious I became and the more outrageous my acts were (I abused drugs, sex, etc.) I grew to hate myself because I wasn't "light enough, tall enough or smart enough." I had high expectations of myself, yet I had low self-esteem. Over time, I realized that self-love is needed in order to value oneself. Self-love that isn't taught at home but taught and learned later on in life when escapism no longer provided the band-aid to cover the wounds of self-hate. It's been quite a journey - working on this relationship on myself and falling in love with myself. I've long accepted myself, fallen in and out of love with myself, laughed at me and continue to do so. But it's all worth it. So, when you have a chance - please read the article, it too is worthwhile.
Happy New Year and I bid you all love, light and compassion.
~Maria
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