Dear Chris:

Whenever I wish to remember a time when I was truly happy, I need only recall each day with you.  It's been 3 years since your passing.  I know you, Mahala, Mark & Cleofe are in great hands with the Lord.  Still, I can't help but miss you.  It still hurts knowing that you're never coming back but I do take comfort that you are saving a spot up there for me.  I must say y'all have the great acts and entertainers up there.  It's slim pickins as far as entertainment on earth is concerned.  LOL!!!  Not a day goes by that you're not missed.  I feel good knowing that you are amongst my guardian angels and that God has assigned you to be with me every step of the way. 

You'd be so proud of me and Jonathan right now.  Tee hee.  In the last 3 years, I've seen and found love many times and I remain hopeful.  Also, I know now that your death was definitely not in vain.  Unfortunate as it may sound, your passing is my blessing in disguise.  I've gotten that much stronger with the fact that if I can live through the tragedy of losing you then, learning to breathe on my own again, I know I can get through anything--and for that, I thank you wholeheartedly.  As for Jonathan, he's an E-4 Submariner now, he's takin' a liking to his post and Hawaii.  Although, I have to confess--I have yet to visit Hawaii.  LOL!!!  He's also found and lost love, but hey--you win some and you lose some, right?!  He'll live, he is after all my son.  He's underway right now and I miss talking to him during the week.  I have dropped an email to him to let him know the same. 

Wow, I've done so much in the last 3 years that I thought I never would have done before you left.  Even though my book(s) are a work in progress, they're on their way UP.  I've also found peace.  Right now, I'm working on my relationship with myself and setting the boundaries for me and others.  I want to feel complete again, but I'm leaving that to time--who knows, perhaps that void that was once filled by you will be filled again or maybe, I've had my happiness with you--for that, I'm thankful too.  I don't know, I'll surrender that notion and leave it up to God. 

Well, I've gotta run.  Tell my loved ones "hello" for me.  Every single one of you remain in my prayers.  I will always love you, Sweetums.

~Maria

I was going through my old emails and found this tale (author unknown)...Enjoy.

Once upon a time there was a girl who had four boyfriends.  She loved the fourth boyfriend the most and adorned him with rich robes  and treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him nothing but the best. 

She also loved the third boyfriend very much and was always showing him off to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one day he would leave her for another. 

She also loved her second boyfriend. He was her confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with her. Whenever this girl faced a problem, she could confide in him, and he would help her get through the difficult times. 

The girl's first boyfriend was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining her wealth and kingdom. However, she did not love the first boyfriend. Although he loved her deeply, she hardly took notice of him! 

One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her time was short. She thought of her luxurious life and wondered, 'I now have four boyfriends with me, but when I die, I'll be all alone.' 

Thus, she asked the fourth boyfriend, 'I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?' 

'No way!', replied the fourth boyfriend, and he walked away without another word. His answer cut like a sharp knife right into her heart. 

The sad girl then asked the third boyfriend, 'I loved you all my life.  Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?' 'No!', replied the third boyfriend. 'Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to marry someone else!' Her heart sank and turned cold. 

She then asked the second boyfriend, 'I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?' 

'I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!', replied the second boyfriend.. 'At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.'  His answer struck her like a bolt of lightning, and the girl was devastated. 

Then a voice called out: 'I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go.' The girl looked up, and there was her first boyfriend. He was very skinny as he suffered from malnutrition and neglect.  Greatly grieved, the girl said, 'I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!' 

In truth, you have four boyfriends in your lives: 

Your fourth boyfriend is your body. No matter how much time and effort you lavish in making it look good, it will leave you when you die. 

Your third boyfriend is your possessions, status and wealth.  When you die, it will all go to others. 

Your second boyfriend is your family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for you, the furthest they can stay by you is up to the grave. 

And your first boyfriend is your spirit. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world.  However, your spirit is the only thing that will follow you where ever you go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of you that will follow you to the throne of God and continue with you throughout Eternity. 

Thought for the day: 
Remember, when the world pushes you to your knees, you're in the perfect position to pray/meditate.  Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.

Till next week--I bid you all Love, Light & Compassion, My Loves!

~Maria

I can't take credit for that one. The title/quote above is accredited to my Bestie #1, Theresa.  Anyway, I can only account for my actions as such. Of course, it is easier said than done, I've incorporated it into my life and so far, so good. My perception has shifted...dramatically.   I view everything from the minute to the grandest of details as a blessing.  You see,  my "auto-programming" (my way of thinking) expected things; but then I thought "hmmm, so that's why I was assuming this whole time."  That's when it dawned on me that expect & assume were a match made in heaven, they went together.  Not good, since I know that when one "assumes," it is also a maniacal acronym for making an "ass out of u and me." LOL!!!! Yes I was a walking contradiction and I'll be the first to own up to it. Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?! This old dog is open to change and you can be too if you truly want to.

Perfect example, for the month of July, I started to panic because I was not going to have additional income. My contract was not starting again till August when my last contract was completed back in June.  So, I did what I could: kept in touch with everyone in my professional & personal network; continued to write; and released any lower/negative energies to God and asked that He give me the strength to focus that energy into any kind of change. The first thought popped into my head: "Stop worrying." I literally laughed out loud and said to myself "are you shitting me?" Then, I blinked and expected lightning to strike me down, luckily, it didn't. I literally stopped and sat alone in silence for what seemed to be 45 minutes to an hour.  Then, I had an epiphany--that was what else was missing in my life--besides praying, I was being compelled to sit in silence and listen to that inner voice, whom I believe is the voice of God. This voice reassured me that I've done all I can; to let Him "take it from here and trust, completely trust, that all things are not as they appear, that I'm where I am supposed to be." So I followed my heart (God's inner voice)...know where it has led me?  Well…

BECAUSE I DIDN'T EXPECT ANYTHING…Here's the result :  I was only off for a week in July, when I was asked to contract beginning the 2nd week of July and will officially end on 8/9/12.  That's perfect because my next contract is on 8/17/12.  A little down time in between is good!  Next, I've purchased my airfare for my annual trip to see my parents which I didn't expect to buy until October 2012. I've got a round-trip airfare to Miami for a girlfriend's bachelorette weekend compliments of my son as an early birthday gift. Note: the Miami trip, I'd already shot down a few times previously because I couldn't afford to go.  But, hey now that I have the ticket—I CAN'T COMPLAIN!  Look, bottom line is I did the best I could for my part, I let go and let God do His part…Practice makes perfect, simple as that. 

When things are meant to be, they just are.  Till next week, I bid you all Love, Light& Compassion, My Loves.


~Maria