For those of you wondering, how I got started onto my Spiritual Journey, I advise you to put on your seat belt, sit back and enjoy the ride…I hope you enjoy my story…I am no longer ashamed of my past because it helped mold me into the woman I am today. 

On August 31, 2009, something tugged at me to Google my boyfriend Chris and there it was 4 or more unconfirmed articles naming him and 3 of his loved ones in a tragic accident in Santee, California due to their defective Lexus loaner.  I had no way of confirming if indeed he’d passed away since I hadn’t spoken to his family in ages and they had no idea, Chris and I were still together all this time.  We were together.  We’d already broken up unfortunately, but I thought we’d get back together for the umpteenth time once he came home to the bay area.  I immediately checked Facebook and looked up his brother Carl.  I found Carl’s page and it was confirmed that Chris, Mark, Cleofe and Mahala were indeed gone.  I felt my world spiraling out of control, having an out of body experience as I cried and screamed bloody murder and I knew my neighbors heard me.  I must have called my son Jonathan a dozen times and of course he wasn’t picking up because he was still in Submarine School at the time and in between transition and testing, I think.  I immediately called my friend, Theresa and surprisingly, she took my call or something like that—by this time I was so far gone, I barely remember that day.  I knew people were calling me offering their sympathies but if you ask me today—I couldn’t tell you exactly who called. 

I decided the only way I could get through this death was to continue to get high and my drug of choice of that time period was Crystal Methamphetamine (aka “Chrys, Crystal or Christina/Tina”).  I wasn’t your typical addict that you see depicted on TV or the movies and neither was I one of those ladies you saw on Oprah, 20/20, etc.  I was, in my mind, the worst kind of addict.  I functioned just like a normal person, who worked to keep a roof over her child’s head.  Of course, my home never had any food, but the rent was always on time.  When my son did eat, he ate fast-food and I stopped cooking when he was 15 years old.  Anyway, getting back to losing Chris, I continued to get high and even my drug dealer was concerned for me—I was on a consistent 2-eight balls habit a month; after I’d lost Chris, I’d double that habit to 4-eight balls in a month.  For those of you unfamiliar with an “eight ball”, it is 3.5 grams of Crystal Meth; so since I was doing 4 eight balls, I was doing 14 grams of Crystal Meth a month.  I never shot it intravenously; but boy, did I love smoking it and I smoked it before, during and after work.  My relationship with my son suffered—he knew something was going on but I continued to support my habit instead of caring for him.  Chris knew I was on drugs, but he continued to love me regardless of my drug addiction.  All he told me was to give him the respect and not do drugs around him, so I smoked in the bathroom when he was around.  He even met my drug dealer unbeknownst to him. 

Anyway, I believe it was about a month after his death and I started losing sleep; I mean given at the time of my addiction, I slept maybe 2-3 hours a night but at least I slept.  When Chris died, I stopped sleeping.  I would be up for weeks at a time and honestly that part of my life was a complete blur.  What I can truly take away from that period were the voices I heard coming thru me which I would later come to find out was my “re-awakening” of my spirit.  Because of my addiction, I was attracting all sorts of spirits—both good and bad.  It was my living nightmare.  This was a very dark period in my life from which I felt I was dying—my physical body was intact but my old self, my drug addicted spirit was dying because now I know that my genuine and higher self was fighting to come out and be heard; to fulfill my life’s purpose.  I heard voices, specifically Chris’ voice begging me to stop doing drugs and other spirits were literally running thru my body where I had no control of it—where I couldn’t even stay in my own home alone.  I never stop to think about calling out to God.  Then, one night when I could no longer take this “insanity,” I made an attempt to sleep at home alone with the lights on and finally, I knew I hit rock bottom—I was so scared I didn’t know what to do.  I had nowhere else to turn so I prayed the Lord’s Prayer alternating it with Hail Mary until I fell asleep.  The next thing I knew—I had phoned my gifted friend Lorena who referred me to her friend Sharon, a Gifted Intuitive to help me understand what was happening to me.  From there, I went to another Spiritual Intuitive who helped me jumpstart my journey, Pam--my Massage Therapist who also had an intuitive practice.  If my friends/loved ones hadn’t been here for me, I wouldn’t be here today telling you my story.  Shortly thereafter, I started praying the rosary after my cousin Marcel taught me how to pray it.  I kicked the crystal habit cold turkey without withdrawals.  Looking back now, the death of my old self was enough pain to overpower any addiction.  I’ve been 4 years clean to date and haven’t had a craving since.   I was advised early on and reminded now and then to ask God to fill in that space where the addiction lived.  This has been a long and hard journey but I wouldn’t change it for the world.  Now, I have a thriving practice and I guess you can say “the rest is history.” 

With that said—I’m amazed at how strong and resilient the Human Spirit is.  Anyone is capable of anything.   My point is, when I turned my back on God all those years ago, He never turned His back on me. 

Till next time, I bid you all Love, Light & Compassion.

~Maria

This was my first time (but not my last) volunteering last night at the San Francisco Food Bank.  Our group was in charge of boxing up carrots.  According to “Henry” at the SF Food Bank, each box that we filled with carrots was enough to feed 8 families or more.  I am not going to lie, I took one look at the bins filled with carrots that looked to be about 36” length x 36” width x 36” height, maybe bigger and I was a little intimidated—Ok, I freaked out!!!  Before my ego could react, my higher self stepped up and took over—I went to work.  We would grab an empty box and filled them up with carrots according to how Henry trained us.  I stopped thinking and acted fast -- I kept filling up boxes with my fellow volunteers and we cleared out 1 bin at time.  After we filled up the boxes, we handed them to the next station of volunteers to finalize these boxes by arranging and wrapping them on the pallets—readying them for shipment to their final destination, St. Anthony’s Church.  We finished in record time and boxed up 11,000 pounds of carrots!  GREAT JOB TEAM! 

I didn’t mind the manual labor because I was doing something to help the community and it felt good.  As I was gathering and boxing the carrots, the thought came into mind that my (paternal) grandparents, first generation immigrants came to the United States and worked at a factory/warehouse doing the same thing for pay.  I thought to myself, I am doing this as a volunteer; my grandparents were doing this for pay to put food on the table.  Then, I recalled from my memory bank, that my parents worked at factories thru out Salinas, California and took on 2nd jobs like cleaning houses to make a better life for me AND they never complained.  I thought, WOW--at that moment, I was more grateful than ever for my grandparents and my parents who have paved the way for me and my son so we wouldn’t have to follow in their footsteps and labor the way they did.  We would have it easy – we do have it easy.  We are the example of the American Dream. 

My grandparents and parents have instilled in me and I passed it on to my son that we’re all here to help and take care of each other regardless of whether or not we’re blood-related.  I believe in positive thinking; however I’m also an “action” person.  I will only believe it when I see it; in other words, actions speak louder than words.  Look, I do what I can to help out the community.    If I can’t physically be there to help out, I make a donation or send food and/or clothing and prayers to the community.  If you have a heart, how can you sit back and watch your brothers and sisters not have enough to eat and/or suffer in pain?  RIGHT – YOU CAN’T.  So what are you going to do about it?  Prayers/Positive Thinking + Action = Manifestation.

Please see the link below if you would like to volunteer at either of the foodbanks:

http://www.sffoodbank.org/volunteer (SF)

http://www.accfb.org/volunteer.html (Alameda County)

To make a donation to The Red Cross for Disaster Relief or one of their other causes, please click on the link below:

https://www.redcross.org/donate

Till next time – I bid you all continued Love, Light and Compassion.

~Maria

My Sister Sandy and 2nd Dad Tony asked me to deliver the Eulogy at Maria's Rosary.  I was honored to have been chosen for this feat, I didn't think twice about it and immediately agreed to do it.  I won't be there physically this Friday to deliver it myself, however, I will be at her interment on Saturday.    I believe one of my wonderful family members will be the one to read this at the Rosary Friday Night.  My eulogy for Maria isn't in "traditional format," but it is heartfelt and this is the best way I could express my love for her and for the world to know the Maria I loved.  Enjoy.

My Letter to Maria

Dear Maria,

Thank God for Mandy for if it weren’t for her we wouldn’t have met.  I confided in her all those years ago and she listened with an open heart about my problem finding a good babysitter for Jonathan.  I know she felt bad and even sorry for me.  She said she was going to ask if you could make an exception and comeback from retirement to babysit my son, Jonathan.  My prayers were answered when Mandy informed me that you wanted to meet us -- I was happy and relieved to finally have a sitter for Jonathan and I wanted to take him to you the very next day.  However, you wanted to meet us first…

When I first met you about 16 years ago, I still remember it like it was yesterday—you opened the door at your old house on Flinthaven in San Jose looking like a doña as you checked me out from head to toe (like I was a bug).  You actually scared me, you reminded me too much of my mom and in my mind, I wanted to turn around and leave—but something kept me there at your doorstep.  Anyway, I came there on your request so that you and Jonathan could meet each other and see if this baby sitting arrangement would work out.  I took a liking to you immediately because you were no non-sense.  You told me you would treat Jonathan like your own.  I continued to take Jonathan to you every day, but we didn’t say much to each other but hello, how are you and thank you.  We wouldn’t grow close until a year after when I first approached you for $5.00.  I swallowed my pride and asked you for $5.00 because I think I needed it for gas.  Anyway, I forgot what I needed that $5.00 for, but you never asked me, you didn’t hesitate and you handed it to me.  I was so embarrassed and you probably saw it on my face—the point is you didn’t judge me.  That was the start of a beautiful friendship that in time grew to become an unbreakable bond – WE BECAME FAMILY. 

You guys would take me on your camping trips, the Thornton Festa and those infamous Reno Trips.  You introduced me to Aguardente; and you used to get angry with me and Tony and say we drank like horses and complained that you never had any booze in the house because of us.  We would stay quiet until you were done ranting and ultimately, you would end up giving us shots of Aguardente anyway.  During those years we lived in San Jose were my years of financial hardship and Jonathan and I hardly ate except at your house.  But those were also some happy times.  You took care of US, not just Jonathan.  If I didn’t say it enough, I have always appreciated you. 

These most recent years, we hardly saw each other, but when we did talk on the phone or I would visit you guys – it would last for hours, even days.  I would always come away with the feeling of hope and of course, happiness.  You always had the right words to say, and a solution to our problems.  What I appreciate most about you was the reassurance you gave my mom when you last spoke to my mom—you put her at ease, letting her know that she and my dad had nothing to worry about because me and Jonathan were going to be fine in your hands.  Here’s this perfect stranger that I didn’t pay enough to babysit Jonathan but had a Heart of Platinum reassuring my mom.  You told me that You knew in your heart that if the tables were turned, and Sandy was in my position, my parents would do the same thing you were doing for me and Jonathan.    

All I know is when I thought and felt absolutely alone – you were there for me.  You helped me understand, communicate and improve my relationship with my parents with your “limited English.”  I always found it funny when you said your English wasn’t that good because you sure didn’t have a problem with your English when I needed to be put in my place or if someone mis-pronounced your last name. On a more serious note and before I forget, of course I saved the best for last—Thank You for helping me raise Jonathan.  I saw the pride in your eyes when Jonathan last came to your house in his Navy uniform – you had a hand in that and who Jonathan is today, so I hope you gave yourself a pat on the back and know how much he loves you too. 

I’m going to miss you, Maria.  God knows your were an Earth Angel which is why he promoted you to be OUR Guardian Angel; good for him and it sucks for Us.  I guess it’s not for me to understand why and how God works in mysterious ways but to appreciate Our Loved Ones while we’re on our “borrowed” life here on Earth.  At this very moment, I visualize you hanging out with your mom, Tio Manuel, Tio Erlindo, your brother Delfin and a few other loved ones I don’t recognize.  I also visualize you meeting my Ama, my comadre Sami and hugging my love, Chris.  You look good and at peace—you’re cool, Girl! 

I don’t believe in good byes, so I’ll just see you later.  Put in a good word for me because if anyone can convince God, it’s you.  I love you, Mᾶe.

Maria

I wish for you what you wish for me - Mae, I wish you and OUR family peace.

Dear Mom,

Happy Mother’s Day!  Thank you for your love and for believing in me always.  Thank God for placing me in yours and dad’s care.  Growing up we NEVER saw eye-to-eye but as I got older…The “I’ll never be like my mother” changed to “Can I fill such heavy shoes?”  You are not only my mom; you are my best friend and sister.  Whatever I go through, both good and bad, You are the first person I think of to share this with. 

Right now, my private practice has been keeping me busy while I still work at the law firm—no complaints here, just been a good kind of busy.  I’m excited to tell you that since I’ve been practicing and meditating, my life has been incredible.  Sure I have my ups and downs, the only thing I do different now, is (as you have always advised me) –give it my best and after I’ve done all of that; I let go and give it to God.  Why didn’t I start this practice a long time ago—why didn’t I listen to you when I was supposed to?!  I can only sigh and be grateful now that I’ve learned and changed before all was too late.  Sheesh!  LOL – and by the way, LOL = Laugh Out Loud.  On a more serious note, I will always remember what you have instilled in me, that “beauty fades and it is only a bonus to your true self; use your brain and use it wisely.”  I think I’m doing so accordingly. 

Mommy - I also know this much, you and Daddy came from a generation where words were few and action was the key to a better life.  I’ve been meaning to tell you this for a very long time - I can see it in yours and Daddy’s eyes the Pride you have for me and especially, Jonathan.  I feel your fearlessness and pride whenever you introduce me and/or Jonathan to other family members and to the rest of the community there in the Philippines.  You exude a confidence that is incomparable and by far, you are my Wonder Woman and my Super Woman.  Heed your own advice, please – You and Daddy don’t have to do this on your own; you know, take care of each other and often times leaving me in the dark so I won’t worry.  Your baby isn’t a baby anymore.    I’m here to take care of you both.  I know you worry about me, but please try not to—let God do the worrying for you guys.  Take care of yourselves until I get there to take care of you. 

I know you have never asked me to choose when it came to caring for you and Daddy; I’ve made my choice and eventually, you guys are going to have to deal with the fact that I will be living with you guys part-time and part-time here.  Wow – what a scary thought, ha?!  A “teenager” back in the house – LOL!!!!  You know you love my company – I BRING JOY TO YOU & DADDY! 

Anyway, I think I’ve said enough and I know your eyes are probably tired by now.  Once again, thank you for everything, Mommy.  I Love You Both.  Please send my love and paki-bati na rin si Tita Penny at ang Ina ng “Happy Mother’s Day!”

Nagmamahal,

Maritess